Hello My Name is Barnabas.

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 You made me and set me free into this world. I have been wandering the earth with two humans named Leanne and Tim for about a year now. We have all come to assume that I am a little vampire bear/bat. Although I can live in the sun, I spend most days in Leanne’s purse made of seatbelts.

I have learned from my travels that there is a lot of beauty in this world and I would like a soul mate to share it with.

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I was told you no longer make monsters and now spend most of your time crafting jewelry. I would like to throw myself upon your mercy and tell you about my search for a bride.

I talked to this one girl, but she wasn’t very cuddly.

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 So I continued to sleep alone.

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 I was very hopeful at one of the singles events I attended, but I found myself to be the odd bear/bat out.

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My loyal group of monster friends at our bungalow home had some suggestions.

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They thought online dating might be a good idea. I was briefly fascinated with this English girl and even paid for her to hop across the pond and join me for some shenanigans and generalized marauding.

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But she ended up having a substance abuse problem like a character in an Irvine Welsh novel.

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I still continue to haunt area bars and sometimes strike up a conversation.

But I have come to understand that I really might be one of a kind.

Thank you for reading my story and considering my request. As you might have noticed I always look toward the left. My ideal wife would gaze to the right so that we can always be making eyes at one another. It would also be nice if she was a happy color. I think I would like that.

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Yours,

Barnabas the Vampire Bear/Bat