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Dive Bar Girl
Grand Cinema Station
10732 Florida Blvd

This is the informative review that might have La Cherrista in Charge asking for DBG’s head on a platter, but she is going to write it anyway.  She will use a moderate amount of discretion and try to tactfully tell the tale of Grand Cinema Station.

Grand Cinema Station is located behind an abandoned strip mall on Florida Blvd.  DBG decided a visit was in order after hearing their bizarre commercials on the radio.  As she rolled up with The Hubs in tow, a portly man carrying a large sword and a small, brown paper bag tottered out of the building.  He placed his sword on the passenger side of his handicapped accessible mini-van and drove away.  The Hubs began to lament the fact that he had allowed DBG to drive and was now subject to her every whim.

Did you know people still rent porn? They do, and there is a metric ton of it at Grand Cinema. Perhaps their customers haven’t discovered the interwebs. But this den of desire is so much more than an adult video store.  Of course, they have the usuals – toys, stripper clothes, blow up dolls that look like the President, and everything you need to make a cake for a bachelorette party – but they are also historians of the adult video.  They offer vintage VHS tapes for as little as $5.  There is also a huge selection of children’s videos.  Presumably, because the children need a digital babysitter while you are in the back room with your Obama doll.

They also sell all kinds of swords and knives. At first, DBG did not see any relation between swords and adult videos, but then she realized that swords are the ultimate phallic symbol.  In the market for a gladiator helmet?  Look no further.

But here’s where it gets weird.  They have a large selection of old vinyl records at really good prices.  Most of it is 1970s rock.  There is also a patriotic home décor section.  And if DBG had won Powerball, she would have purchased their Mrs. Pac Man tabletop arcade game.

So if you are struggling to find the perfect gift for the person who has it all, stumble into Grand Cinema Station.  Their helpful staff will guide you down a path of pleasure. They even sell firewood.

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