Video Bingo
Drusilla Shopping Center

When DBG walked into Video Bingo many questions popped into her head: How is this legal? If you can smoke, where is the beer? Can you still gamble if you lack a cerebral cortex? And wait…how and the hell does this qualify as bingo?

Well, yes Virginia , there is a Santa Claus for the mentally impaired who like to take risks. Apparently this sham to steal money from lonely females is legal, and Video Bingo is dry, but there is a Coke machine. However, she was devoid of the intellect necessary to discern how this abomination even remotely qualified as bingo.

The attendant led her into a dark room completely absent of any décor except for the occasional artificial plant adorned with Christmas lights. Some rules were explained, and she parked herself in front of a machine called “Royd Mercer’s Can of Whup-Ass.” She inserted money and a voice called out: “YOU READY TO WHIP SOME ASS?” After a few spins, the electronic slot machine…wait…. “Bingo Machine” ushered her into a bonus round where was allowed to beat-down on a computerized homeless man for extra cash.

After the assault, DBG collected her winnings and went to Pastime Jr. for lunch.